So I had a physical yesterday. I haven’t had one in a couple of years. I guess I subscribe to the idea that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, and why looking for trouble?
Still the smarter part of me still takes control once in awhile, and I booked an appointment. My doctor’s office is typical. Lots of magazines, and seating that is not too uncomfortable. The piped in, lyric-less Muzak would be humorous if going to the doctors didn’t make me nervous.
It isn’t that I don’t like or trust my doctor, he is a very nice man. It is that I am not too keen on being vulnerable. As a kid and adult with body issues, having someone measure, prod, poke and assess your body it can be a bit disconcerting.
Also as a “bottom” certain examinations are close to…foreplay. And I have this irrational fear of getting an erection. Luckily my doctor could not be mistaken for a bear in a million years, and it one of the least arousing situations I could imagine.
Anyway my blood pressure is high, very high. I know you are thinking, “But Dave, you’re such a mellow fellow…”
As a result I am now having to take medication. Before though I had to get some lab work done. It’s the usual pee in a cup and blood sample but the lab is first come first served so I went first thing in the morning. The nurse was very fast with the blood work, actually frightening fast. No conversation, no idle banter, no nothin’. Just needle in, blood out!
Have you ever noticed how warm the cup is after collecting a urine sample? I always find that odd. Well, not odd per se but something that catches my attention. Thankfully they have a little cupboard you put your sample in So you don’t have to hand it to any one but you have to put it along with everyone else’s samples. I laughed at the thought of someone opening a medicine cabinet and seeing all these little jars of pee. How very Howard Hughes! It reminds me of the Simpson’s take on it
Mr. Smithers to a suddenly sane and lucid Mr. Burns, ” And the jars of urine sir?”
“Oh, we hold on to those for later.”
The last test was an EKG, where they stick pads to your legs and arms and all over your chest and then measure your heart. I have no idea how that one turned out. I suppose since the nurse didn’t gasp in horror and cry “DEAR GOD!” it must have been okay. I won’t really get the results for a month. Then I will go in again and test the blood pressure after a month of being on the medication.
Now I am at work. I have not had coffee all day, (actually I had a cup of decaf hoping I could fool myself, but there are somethings you just can’t fake. Gucci handbags, orgasms, tears all fake-able. Coffee, not so much.) I am left with a raging headache, a low salt lunch and a desperate desire to go to bed. I can only console myself with the knowledge that it is my own damn fault.
Still, we are dealing with the issue early and who knows maybe if I get this under control I can drop the meds. Here’s to your health!